Do you ever find yourself getting negative? Spitting out negativeness about a person, place or thing? Perhaps it is someone you work with who gets under your skin. Sometimes it might be an organization or church that has rubbed you the wrong way. There may even be times when a person becomes negative and they do not even know why!
If we were all to be honest we have all done it. I have been there and quite frankly probably will again. It happens. Something comes into our life that, if we are not careful will consume our every thought and word. These are Neg-Factors that can change a person from being the life of the party to the person everyone hopes stays home. If we are not mindful negativity can lead us to a dark and lonely place with us wondering how we got there.
So how do we avoid the Neg-Factor? What can we do to pull out should we find ourselves in a nosedive into becoming a Negative Nancy or Undesirable Dave?
Here are a few ideas that help me when I am free falling into the Neg-Factor. I am not always successful; we can all go negative. Even so, if we take action to go against the slippery slope of negativeness we will find ourselves in a much better place more often.
RECOGNIZE IT: The first step in changing anything is to acknowledge there is a need for change. Whether it is a person with an addiction or a process at work, nothing changes until a desire to change has developed. Take time to write down the warning signs that you have begun to go down the wrong road and keep them in a place where they can be reviewed on a regular basis as a form of self-accountability. You could even get a close friend who you share these with and ask them to let you know if they see these behaviors, because most times others see them long before we do ourselves.
ROOT CAUSE: Sometimes we are irritated and do not even know why! We don’t like someone, but can’t put our finger on it. Take the time to analyze what it is that has got under our skin. Is it the person or something they are doing? Are they doing it on purpose or is it just something that is different than what we are accustomed? Perhaps it is our own insecurities or even that they are taking us to a place where we are not comfortable and we are therefore simply fighting against something we know is more personal? The list is endless, however it is important to ask ourselves what it is that is at the root of the matter. Again, get someone you trust to help dissect and give honest feedback on your thoughts.
REMEMBER IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU: Most times that root cause is placed somewhere in the fact that we have become self-focused. What is happening is not what we agree with; we don’t like it. The problem is fleshed out in the Neg-factor because we are not in control. Our minds believe whatever is occurring needs to change to our way of thinking and when it is out of our control, in other words we can’t change it, the first response is to begin the attacks. We might attack in words, body language, gossiping, criticizing, and even rebelling by refusing to follow or have contact with someone. All of these behaviors are signs that we have possibly arrived at a place of looking at what we think should be, but feel out of control because we can’t change it. We have to remember, the world does not revolve around us no more than it revolves around the other person, business or company that has gotten under our skin. Everyone is a player in this game and harsh truth of the fact is that we are simply a piece of the puzzle like everyone else.
REMEMBER IT IS ABOUT YOU: The only person you can change is you. This is counsel my wife and I give in almost every situation. Even in marriage, neither can change the other which is where most arguments develop. People want everyone else to change while we remain the same. The fact that we have to remember is that the only person we can truly change is ourselves. What is amazing about this is that when we change, there is some kind of cosmic magic that happens in which the world around us begins to change. When a wife or husband starts working on themself, the other is affected and a change begins to occur. When a leader focuses on how he or she is leading, their team changes. A church member begins to grow in their faith; the people around them are affected and begin to change. When we work on ourselves our perspective of others change as well. Work on you and watch the world around you begin to have a fresh new look.
REBUILD: When we have gone down the Neg-factor road there is a chance that some damage has occurred. The faith the team had for the leader has been questioned. Friends no longer want to hangout. Perhaps it even grew into a more volatile state where words and actions tore down relationships; even resulted in a loss of a job or position. If that is the case it is time to rebuild. Begin to rebuild by replacing words of negativity with positive thoughts, comments and accolades. Start building others up. Not only should we see things from the bright side, we should express them in public. Through writing a positive email or making a phone call to encourage someone, understand that your actions can change others. Build others up, build relationships; build positive environments, build, build, build!
YOU ARE THE ONLY CHANGE YOU CAN CONTROL-CHANGE YOU AND THE WORLD AROUND YOU WILL CHANGE
The Neg-Factor happens to us all. It can be a lonely and dark place leaving us all alone; however the good news is that the darkness can be overcome by light. We all have a light to shine, it is our choice turn it on. How do you shine light and avoid the darkness of the Neg-Factor?