Evening Cafe with Coach Robert: “WHO SAYS?”

One day when I was in a college psychology class we were discussing how a person’s environment can shape who they become.  One of the points brought up was children who were born with red hair. The professor asked the class, “What do you hear or think about when a baby is born with red hair?” The class responded with sayings that the child would be hot-headed, have a temper, dad and mom was going to have their hands full and other descriptions of the child being a holy terror.

The interesting thing is that there was not any scientific data providing proof that just because a child had red hair he or she would have demonic like behaviors. The only explanation was that if the child grew up with those characteristics it would be because the people around him or her implanted those thoughts through words; the red-head just lived up to the expectations that were laid out for them.

Have you ever thought about the beliefs we accept about ourselves?

“If you lose your job it’s going to be hard to find another one in this economy.”

“After age 40 it’s impossible to lose weight.”

 “You don’t want to start something new at this age.”

“Her momma was that way, she can’t help it.”

“Taking a pay-cut would be foolish.”

 “This is who you are, might as well accept it.”

I could write an encyclopedia of beliefs that people accept as truth yet never challenge. Why do we do this? Sometimes it is because we see what happens to one person then something inside our brains tells us it must be true across the board. Other times it is fear of failure so it’s a way of deflecting responsibility by saying, “It’s not my fault.”

People do have trouble finding jobs in this economy, but who says you will? If we believe we are going to have trouble, then guess what? We will. Granted there are people out there with good attitudes who are struggling to find work; however point being, if we walk into a situation believing we are doomed then the situation is destined for failure.

Granted our body metabolism changes with age; however who said it was impossible to maintain a healthy weight? Are we just giving up when we accept the “it’s impossible” mentality simply because it is more of a challenge than when we were in our twenties?

How many people are miserable in their careers and have simply accepted they could never start new, take a pay-cut or live with the beliefs they were just destined to live in misery?


When you find yourself in a situation where you’re being told it’s a part of life, just deal with it, challenge it! Stop the presses; don’t move any further forward until you get an answer as to “Who Says?”

Challenge words like, “Always,” “Never,” “Can’t,” “Everyone,” or phrases that refer to “They say…”, or “You’re going to…”

Words can and will shape our belief system. Our beliefs control our actions and actions determine our path in life.

What words have been spoken to you in your life that you might need to challenge? Have you bit into lies about yourself or about your future? Do you speak words that limit your future? Are you living a mundane life because someone or society has tried to convince you that you have no other choice?

Inventory your belief system and screen your words as well as the words that are spoken around you.

It’s time we stop believing lies that hold us back. The media does not know what we can do or what we as individuals are capable of. Statisticians can only tell us what is “likely” to happen based on what “has happened” however their analysis are in no way an absolute for what “will” happen in your life.

It’s your life…you can do anything you set your mind to. Follow your heart…Live your dreams…Live life to the fullest.


Bringing Out Your Best,


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