You Don’t Have to Come Home to be a Husband

It’s an incredible marriage. You asked for her hand and the two of you went through all of the wedding planning. Finally that day came, she came down the aisle and each gave your solemn vows to be there for the other no matter what happens in life. The honeymoon was grand and beautiful.

Now the two of you arrive back at the house and unpack all of the clothes. After everything is put away you kiss your new bride on the lips and say, “That was fun, I’m headed back to my place. I’ll stop by on the next holiday to visit. Let’s keep in touch and text ever now and then.”

“What!?” she screams. “What do you mean I’ll see you on the next holiday?”

Your response, “Well, I don’t have to come here to be your husband. I said I do and even have a ring. I’m a busy man. I have my job, trips with my friends planned and when I’m not out doing all of that I need some rest! I’m sure you understand. Trust me, it’ll be a great relationship!”

What a great love story, huh? The story sounds absurd and quite frankly it is; however that is how many believe and approach their relationship with God.

The quote I have heard hundreds of times, “You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian and have a relationship with God.”

The greatest commitment a person makes in life is his/her relationship with Christ. God calls it a marriage between man and Him. It is a bigger deal than our earthly marital relationship. God gave us marriage between man and woman to represent our relationship with Him and to teach us how to interact with Him in order to grow as believers.

No more than one would expect a marriage to work if the couple lived separately, neither will our relationship with God work if we are not involved with worship and other believers. Going on Easter & Christmas is nice; however will do nothing to grow us closer to God.

The first question to be asked would be why? Why wouldn’t a man want to live with his wife? Why wouldn’t a believer want to go to church or to be with other believers?

The wife of a man who say’s “I’ll see you on the holidays” would say he might have said a few words and signed a paper, but the marriage is not in his heart. Something is wrong; there is not a commitment.

“You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that–and shudder.” James 2:19

Many believe in God; however they are missing the part of having a relationship. There is a difference in believing in God than knowing God. The Bible says that even the demons believe; however they won’t be spending eternity in heaven. They don’t have a relationship.

When we have a relationship with someone we love we want to be with them. Spending time together is how we get to know one another. It is where we grow more alike and get stronger. When tough times come it is the union of marriage that helps us to push through.

Bring sprinkled or dunked in water doesn’t make a person a Christian. Attending church nor saying a prayer makes a Christian either. It is a commitment of the heart that begins with the relationship. When we say, “I do” to God, worshiping won’t be a question. Our “want to” changes as our priorities shift to growing in our faith and living to find His purpose for our lives.


Not Everyone Loves a Winner

Have you ever felt like you are putting your heart and soul into something to only get criticism and knocked down in return?

Despite what many motivational posters might say, not everyone likes a winner. In fact, many despise people who win, unless it is them!

When I was young I got a job in a warehouse filling orders for a large hardware chain. There was a 90 day probation period to review your performance so I was on. This was my first really good paying job and I didn’t want to mess it up. I worked hard and fast.

Within a couple of weeks I had employees confront me. I was told I needed to slow down and quit working so hard. What I was doing was blowing a hole in their strategy to do little as possible for as much money as possible.

I have found this to be true in my professional life and in the careers of those I coach. When you step up to use your talents and energy to the fullest, those who prefer status quo will do whatever possible to shut you down. They will look for any mistake you make, they will do like those did to me when I was young and try to intimidate you and they will gossip. If all else fails they’ll even fabricate untruths. Anything to knock you off your winning streak is their goal.

So what do you do? Start losing? Slow down?
 Keep Being a Winner but Make Sure You Are in the Right Game


  • Consider the Critic
    • First look at who is bringing the grief.
      • Whiners are never Winners. Those who like to complain are looking for something to complain about. You are a gift to them because now they have more to complain about, so keep doing what you are doing
      • Eager Beavers. If you are being confronted by someone who is fighting to climb the ladder and they are intimidated by your performance, just smile and keep doing what you are doing.
      • Lazy Lucy. Those who want to do the least for the most wake up when someone comes in who has a little gusto. A good wake-up call never hurt anyone…keep doing what you are doing.


  • Gauge the Gift
    • Self-reflection. Does your gift match your occupation? Is your talent better suited for another field of work? Are you creative working in an industry that does not appreciate creative thinking? If you are someone who colors outside the lines in an industry that freaks when a smudge gets on the paper, it might be time to find a new coloring book.
    • Poll the Passion. Does your passion match your position? Zeal comes from the heart and if your heart does not line up with your company’s mission, you might find yourself winning without any fans to applaud. If you find yourself day-dreaming about being somewhere else, using your gifts for other purposes or feel you are forcing a different vision into your job than what leaders/others like, it is time to reconsider your source of revenue.

Never quit because of the nay-sayers. Focus on those who cheer you on! However do use those moments to reflect on your passion and gifts. Nothing can be more frustrating than not being able to have the freedom to use the gifts and passion that wake you up in the morning. Likewise, nothing is more rewarding!

ADVICE-What is Your Source?

I recently saw a Facebook post where a man poured his heart out as his wife hit him with the news she wanted a divorce. He was obviously distraught as he communicated his feelings of being lost.

What shocked me was the response from those reading his emotional cries for help.

Men and women alike responses were filled with negative and hatefulness. Some called his wife names though they did not know either of them. He was told to give up and go find a better life. Get a lawyer was many of their recommendation and leave the &%@!. Responders even eluded to his wife being a whore accusing her of messing around with another man, yet again, none knew the man personally nor his situation.

As I read through the comments I was taken back. Here was a person who loved his wife and, at the moment was feeling lost and hopeless, yet they poured fuel on a burning fire. He needed hope yet they piled on heaps of hopeless and reckless advice.

These people were not only giving horrible counsel that was obviously based on their own pitiful experiences, but the guidance they gave could have led him to take his own life! He was in a dark place and not thinking rationally. He was begging for a spark of hope yet few could muster up one ounce of encouragement. It was disgusting to say the least.

“For by wise counsel you will wage your own war,
and in a multitude of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 24:6


When looking for counsel we should not seek just “any” opinion, but rather we should search for “wise” counsel. What is Wise Counsel? Whether you are in need of advice or find yourself talking to someone in need, Wise Advice always gives hope and is based on Biblical truths. Wisdom is not given based on emotional experiences, but on factual and beneficial insight.


“Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the firmament, and those who turn many to righteousness like the stars forever and ever.” Daniel 12:3


Have you ever heard the phrase, “Birds of a feather flock together?” That is true! People who fail do not want anyone else to succeed. They will do anything to make sure someone else does not get through something they were unable to make it to the other side of. Good counselors give life-giving advice. Wise counsel gives hope despite the situation. Those who have failed and want others to fail are not people to listen to.

When seeking advice be careful who you listen to. Are they a people who want you to come through the storm blessed? Do they have your best interest in mind? Do you feel encouraged after speaking with them?

We all need hope so be careful where you get directions in life from. It is possible to get more lost if we have the wrong people mapping out our paths.


Robert is the owner of Leading Life Coaching & Leadership Services. He is a certified professional Life Skills coach with more than 25 years of experience in helping men and women navigate life’s decisions.

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